Relationship Questions to Strengthen Your Connection with Your Partner

It is one thing asking your partner relationship questions….and something completely different to listen with an open mind. And then to hear the real underlying message and find ways to rekindle your connection. Divorce statistics indicate that the divorce rate among older couples is increasing rapidly. There is even a term for this: Grey divorce! We need to remember that a marriage does need to be nurtured.

Once children arrive in a marriage the dynamics between a man and woman change drastically. The focus of our attention naturally shifts to the children, neglecting our marital relationship. Before we know it distance can creep in. Initially either partner may cherish the separation. But over time it may become a habit for the husband and wife to lead separate lives.

The questions below are not for the faint-hearted! If your relationship is a little shaky there are some things to bear in mind before asking them. It is important to know that it is a normal human need to want to be heard, even more so by our partner. This means that we want our partner to validate how we feel as opposed to becoming defensive or confrontational. No matter how long we have been together, we want to know we are noticed and appreciated by our partner.

For these relationship questions to act as a means of strengthening your connection, it is crucial that you must be willing to hear the responses. It is also imperative to set the context of why you are asking these questions. Otherwise your partner may feel they are being set up for something! So you need to say you would like to enhance the bond you already have.

It is important to ask these questions when there is a “light” atmosphere. There needs to be an atmosphere where your partner feels safe enough emotionally and psychologically to share how they truly feel. It is also imperative that one of the partners is able to remain totally cool and calm. If either partner becomes defensive, the questions may trigger strong resentment or emotional responses……or further arguments and distance. So please tread carefully…..very carefully with these relationship questions.

  • What was the “high” and “low” of your day?
  • How do you feel about where you are in your life currently?
  • To what extent are you spending time doing things that energise you?
  • What are your dreams for the next decade of your life?
  • What would be a perfect day/weekend/vacation for you?
  • What do you feel extremely grateful for?
  • What dreams do you have for yourself? What do you need to do to make them real?
  • If you had one year to live how would you chose to live that year?
  • If you could change anything about yourself or me, what would that be?
  • What do you truly like about me?
  • What attracted you to me in the first place? Does this still apply? If not, what has changed?
  • What are 3 things that we have in common?
  • In which way do we support one another?
  • What is your most treasured memory in our relationship?
  • How do you feel about our relationship?
  • What do you feel is working really well in our relationship?
  • How do you feel about the amount of freedom or independence you have in the relationship?
  • If you could replay our relationship up to now what would you have done differently?
  • What do I do or say that shows you that I love you and care for you deeply?
  • What has been the most hurtful memory in our relationship?
  • What makes you feel very vulnerable in our relationship?
  • What can I do at home to help make life easier for you?
  • Is there sufficient closeness or emotional intimacy in our relationship? If not what can we do to change that?
  • What creates the most conflict or differences in our relationship from your point of view? What can we do to change that?
  • What should we stop doing?
  • What could we start doing that would bring us closer to each other?
  • What fears do you have about growing old with me? How can we address these?
  • What could we change to make our life better for both of us?
  • What do we need to do to rekindle our connection?

Some pertinent quotes on marriage:

“Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.”  Amy Bloom

“A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time.”  Anne Taylor Fleming

“In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce.  The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” Robert Anderson

If you would like to explore ways to feel closer to your partner, relationship counselling may be something you would like to explore. After all, our partner is the one person with whom we share a history and someone who has witnessed our journey through life. Be gentle with each other.



Posted in Relationships.