Issues can easily arise when we neglect to see that communication in relationships at home is as important as in the workplace. It is easy to take relationships at home for granted when in fact they need to be actively nurtured.
So why is communication at home so important?
Significant others
Relationships at home are most likely the most significant ones we have. Our partner is the person with whom we have chosen to spend the rest of our life. So we would expect to share our inner thoughts, feelings, dreams, etc. with them.
Often I see couples expecting their partner to know and understand them without there being adequate communication. Initially relationships are rosy: we start out wanting to do things for our partner, going out of our way to demonstrate our love and affection.
Then the stresses of daily life occur. This results in our focus shifting from our partner to ourself. When we are stressed we tend to interact from our back up mode. This is a mode that tends to create distance in our relationships and misunderstandings. This brings me to the next point.
Maintaining the connection
It is imperative to keep communication in relationships active so that we continue to feel connected to our partner. It is very easy keeping a connection when we are relaxed and everything is going well in life.
The true challenge comes when we or our partner is under stress. This is the time when we can so easily lose that connection.
Many couples assume that once the connection is there it will remain. This is not the case. A close bond needs to be actively worked at. We need to find ways on a continuous basis to keep talking, sharing our own lives and inner world with each other.
One couple spent months where they would check in with each other daily. This included talking about issues each of them were facing or processing. All they did was listen to each other. There was no debate, no arguing, not trying to fix each other. It was purely a witnessing and acceptance of the other’s inner journey. They were unable to sustain this practice.
But for the time they did they felt truly connected to each other: each felt heard and accepted.
Observing changes
When we take time to communicate in relationships we are more likely to recognise changes in our partner. We will notice if they are going through a difficult time. Or we will notice that they are in a particular good and confident space.
When we begin to notice small changes we have the chance to talk about it before it turns into an insurmountable problem. Observing changes helps us to stay tuned to our partner and support them where we can.
Showing that you care and are interested
Communication in relationships enables us to show our partner we are interested in them, that we care and love them. This is something we need to do on an on-going basis. So often you see a couple put in a great deal of effort prior to them being married. But once they are “settled” less effort is made.
It is dangerous to make assumptions that once you are married all is fine. Relationships need to be nurtured and cherished: not once a year with an anniversary, but daily.
Relationship once children arrive
Having children has an enormous impact on a marriage. Yet no one warns you of this beforehand. Often the wife ends up putting all her effort in with the children. Just this week I read about a husband who did not speak to his wife for 10 years. He was “sulking” because she was focussing too much on their three children!
It is imperative to keep communication in relationships open and honest. Talk about what you feel. Talk about what you notice and what you would prefer to see.
Make time for you and your spouse alone, without the children. Have a date once a week for the two of you to keep the communication going.
Communication sounds so easy. And yet it is not. If we want effective communication we need to make ourselves vulnerable and talk about those things that really matter. Good communication in relationships plays a critical role in your emotional well-being. So explore ways to connect with your partner.