An individual becomes a control freak parent due to their own unresolved emotional baggage. So if you want to give your child a fair start in life, take time to work through issues from your past. In this way you make life a little easier for the little souls you bring into the world.
Risks of being a control freak parent
Psychologists offer solid research on the impact a control freak parent has on a child. However, this post will share more personal observations. A control freak parent may demonstrate any of the following:
Be self-focussed: A control freak parent looks at every situation from their own point of view. As a result they often read things into situations or take many situations personally. Their initial reaction is how a situation will affect them. Furthermore challenges trigger their fears which make it really difficult for them to see a situation from another’s point of view.
Inability to tune in to their child or over-identification: A control freak parent is less likely to be open or receptive to the needs of their children. More often than not their main interest is themselves. And so they like to schedule activities and tasks in such a way that it is convenient for them. As much as every child needs structure, having a child’s life regimented kills spontaneity and fun. It also denies a child’s uniqueness and individuality.
Some control freaks over-identify with their children. As a result you may find a mother continuously taking on teachers about any discomfort their child experiences at school. Some parents are quick to pick up battles that they could well leave alone. This is usually indicative of the parent’s issues rather than the child’s.
See a child as an inconvenience: I am taken aback at times to see how parents fail to enjoy their children! Of course a child has a massive impact on our life. But to be resentful toward the child or force them to fit into your life without adapting to them, is really a reflection of your own issues. There are few difficult children. Most of the time, a difficult child is acting out some unresolved issue of one of their parents. So what is going on in your life?
Inability to love a child: Every child has a need to feel they are loved for who they are. Control freak parents expect a child to fit into a certain mould. So when there are any attempts by a child to show their individuality, the parent tries to force them back into the mould.
Projecting issues and dreams: Control freak parents expect their children to conform to what they want for their child. We see this often with children expected to participate in certain types of sport. Or to study certain professions.
In essence, a control freak parent often wounds a child deeply. Children of such parents go through life feeling they are not good enough. Or that they are flawed in some way. The chances are also good that the child will disengage from you or rebel at some stage.
If you had a control freak as a parent some lessons you need to learn in life is to find your own voice. Learn that you have right to be yourself and that you need to live the life you want.
Are you struggling to find the gift in having a control freak parent? Do you want to deal with the reasons why you are controlling?
Consulting with a psychologist can help you heal your baggage of the past or help you be a more loving and adaptable parent.
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